Action speaks louder than words

Beautiful words are attractive, and sometimes clouded our eyes and our heart. “I Love You” is such a powerful sentence but how many people can really live up to the meaning of that? It is not difficult for us to say a hundred times of “I Love You”, but it is difficult for us to carry out every action to show that “I Love You”.

With the invention of different App (e.g. Facebook, whatsapp…), people tend to share many of their thoughts and feeling in this virtual platform without a concrete physical connection with people. We become so afraid to express love to the person we care in face and so worried about speaking up for our opinions in public. There are a lot of people, shared a lot of articles and their points of view in social media, expressing how disappointing we are to the society but how many of us really take our belief into action? Influencing power is not only consist of powerful words, what’s more important is what you are doing to fight for what you believe. Action speaks louder than words, people always “tell” people what they want to do, but not many of them can bring them into action.

“Influencing power starts by building your behaviour”

In order to bring influences to others, we should start to change our own behaviour first. Think about when you ask people not to play phone during dinner, but you keep looking at your phone and upload different posts, how convincing does it sound like? Nobody is gonna follow what you said. Instead, if we are responsible for our own action, people around you can feel your change and start to follow you. Maybe it doesn’t work for one time, but eventually if our positive behaviour is consistent, people around you will listen to you one day. Your action is actually more influencing than what you speak, people will be impressed if you are behaving in a good way. Who don’t want to be better off, if they see what you are doing can make themselves be a better person, I guess everyone will take a lead to change.

“Change needs action ” 

Change of behaviour takes courage and determination, when your faith is not sufficient, your action will not be consistent. One month ago, by coincidence, I bumped into an old friend S, whom we actually have not been contacted for a year. My friend and I were quite interested where her positive energy came from and why she could always be so energetic. Especially during the low time in my life, at that moment, I really do need some positive energy to influence my life. And then she shared a little about her faith journey with God and her community in church that brought her energy and faith. She invited me and my friend to Alpha to have a look, to understand more about christianity and receive blessing from God. At that time, I would give myself any chance to make myself move on from the darkness and I felt like it is not bad to give it a try. Since then, my connection with God is kept strengthening.

“You can change anything if your faith is strong enough”

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” – James 4:7.This belief made me realise a lot of cracks that happened in my life, which is far more than I imagined. And in order to heal those cracks, we have to throw away our old bad habit and pick up new one. In these two to three weeks, I really do take away many of my old habits and replace them with new ones. In the past, I filled my leisure time with having dinner with my friends after work, finding people to drink on friday night or weekend, watching different dramas which are no value-added to me. True, these activities can bring instant enjoyment or happiness to me, but after a period of time, we feel even emptier and lonelier. Why I felt like that before? The reason is we are so empty inside and there is no faith and determination to keep us feel rich inside. In order to move on and get myself to become a better one,  I start to pick up regular exercises every week after work, cut off alcohol and those drinking parties, read more books, go to church and write blog everyday. Surprisingly, these changes make me to become positive in mind and I become so peaceful at my alone time. Many of my friends are so surprised that why I did not go out for partying or have a chill drink after work, and then they asked about the reason behind. I understood that those enjoyment are not helping me in my healing journey, instead, they will make me even more painful. And what driven me to be such determined, it’s my faith on God. Without him, I am not sure if I can really persist for so long because CHANGE need a lot of strength, it is something easier to say but hundred times difficult to do it.

“Change by changing yourself first”

When you are living up to what you said, your action can actually influence the people around you. Instead of “telling” people around you what is christianity, how about we strengthen ourselves with strong faith and positive mind first, the real changes by your action speaks louder than you fancy beautiful words for thousands of time. When you can influence your friend, then your friend will pass the message to others, and one follow by one till the message and wisdom is spread in spider-net. Don’t under estimate your influencing power, cause when spider webs unit, they can tie up a lion!

 

Be Responsible For Every Decision

“People tend to wait to see if there is better alternative”

Through creating an event in facebook, people can choose to “go”,”not go” or “maybe” to an event. And it is quite surprising that the box “maybe” is being chosen the most among the others. What do you mean by “maybe” going ? It is like something you want to do it but it is not yet at your first priority, you want to wait to see if there is any other better choices later.

It is easy for us to find that when people are asking for gathering in many whatsapp groups , people’s responses are always like “not sure”, “may be okay” or “dont count me first, maybe available later”… and other excuses. However, when we really want to make ourselves to a gathering, we will try our best to arrange the time to go instead of giving uncertain answer or even ditch the group. One of the reason is people do not place the gathering/meet up in their first priority at that moment, and they want to see if there is any other alternatives which are better than the gathering, and then they will ditch the group meet up. Actually, if you really do not want to attend, we can simply tell your friends that you will not attend, and then your friends will not be disappointed.

“Your image is built on your action”

This delayed decision making affect our daily life and relationship with people around us too. There were a period of time, I tend to date different friends for gathering or agree to attend different events. I often promised to be there but didn’t really look into my calendar first or think of if I really want to be there. It turns out many of them are actually time-clashed, which means I have to forgive some of them that I have made my promise to go before. I felt sorry about rescheduling my friend’s date because I had to attend another which I think it was more important, this act was actually a terrible one. Not only my friend feel unhappy for the changed plan, but also make myself an irresponsible image.

“You are what you behave”

After knowing more about God, I realised that when we are responsible for the decision we made, then we can be more responsible to ourselves. Sometimes we ditched friend’s gathering because of many reasons like “I am so tired today”, “I forgot I had company event”. True, it is super easy for us to not doing something than keeping our own promises because keeping our own promise needs faith and strength. “You are what you behave”, your personal image is reflected by the action we took in our daily life. When you understand that your irresponsible action will actually result in bringing negative impact (disappointment) to others, that we won’t easily change our plan thereafter. When we can live up to what we said /promised, not only can we be responsible for others, bus also YOURSELF.

“Think before you promise”

When you promised something, please do it no matter how difficult it is. When we know that what we promised is far more than we can do it, next time you will make a wise choice or think more before you come to a decision. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” – 1 Timothy 5:8. Therefore, think twice before you come to make a decision and be responsible to every decision you made, as this is the way that you are responsible for yourself.

 

ForGIVE to forGET

“I forgive what you did”, it may be hardest sentence to be said in the world. Forgiveness is easy to say but hard to do, and it is not just a word to be spoken out, but an act to be felt in your heart. In most of the time, unforgiving a person makes us even feel more tragic because this feeling is gonna hinges on you mentally.

Try to look at the these two words again in this perspective, “for-GIVE” and “for-GET”,

for-Give: Give a chance for your enemies to be forgiven

for-Get: Get a new life and new heart after forgiving someone

First step in giving chance for forgiveness is heart, it requires a lot of mental strength and determination to do so. When someone did so much things to break you down, it is very hard for us to give them the chance to be forgiven.

WHY we are so reluctant to forgive someone?

Because sometimes we wrongly interpret the meaning of “forgiveness”. Many of us, me included, believe that forgiving someone means that we agree with their values and kind of encouraging them to do the wrong things on us again. Since we know that their values are wrong and what they did on us are terrible, we would not give them a chance to be forgiven. However, forgiveness is way more than that. We forgive someone for all the bad things they did on us do not mean that we agree with their behaviour, but learning how to love someone unconditionally.

“To be a christian means to forgive the inexcusable because GOD has forgiven the inexcusable YOU” 

Definitely, it is easier to say it than to work it out. It takes a very strong heart with a good mental strength to truly forgive someone from your heart, not from your mouth. First two weeks after I broke up, I felt so angry and I swore I would never forgive what he did on me. This extreme thinking actually causes much trouble on my mental health, I put so much energy in hating this guy, digging out all his bad doings to me and eventually put myself in a very dangerous situation – emotional breakdown.

“Forgive others not only because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve PEACE”

In recent two weeks, I am getting closer with GOD and receiving more wisdom taught by him. I understand that forgiveness is a powerful act, it can bring your heart to a very peaceful state. “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”            – Col. 3:13. When we have the ability to forgive someone from your heart who bring wounds to us, we are getting to know how to really LOVE yourself in a good way. And after that, all the negative emotions will vanish and good things can enter into our heart eventually. he Lord says, “Forget what happened before and do not think about the past. I am going to do something new… I will make rivers on dry land.” Isaiah 43:18-19 (GW)

Excuses Are Unbecoming

In the past 24 hours, how many excuses we had made for not doing something? And how many times you felt disappointed because about somebody’s excuses? “Sorry I cant today, because my sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died.” It sounds ridiculous to you right? And yes, it is tragic. Sometimes you are as funny as this example of creating an excuse for yourself and to the people around you.

“Excuses are the easy way out to ignore all the responsibilities”

There are two types of person in the world, 99% of people tend to seek excuses when they face challenges or difficulties about why they cannot do it. The remaining 1% will seek for any possibilities in making things happen. For those 1%, they are the successful person in the society because they never avoid the problem, instead, they overcome it with courage and determination.

#1. You make excuses because you don’t take things seriously

It is an easy way for us to make an excuse about why we fail to do something and why they cannot do something. Simple as going back to work on time, which many people fail to do so because they said their boss and colleagues wont be there early, so they can get back to work a little bit late. Why we will make such excuses of being at work late? It is because we do not really care about if people get back work late. In contrary, if you are having a very important interview today, people generally arrive 15 minutes in advance because they think it is important.

“If it is important to you, you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse”

Same case applies to relationship, if you really do care about someone, you will take everything happen between you two seriously, even just a tiny thing. It is because you do not want to let the people whom you love feel disappointed upon you and you will try every way to make things happen. If the relationship is not important to you, people will give themselves excuses of not doing this, not doing that, in the hope of convincing themselves they are not so bad to you because the excuses rationalise their behaviour.

#2. You make excuses because you are so afraid to face the problem

“Don’t make excuses for why you can’t get it done. Focus on all the reasons why you must make it happen.”

“Incline not my heart to evil words; to make excuses in sins. With men that work iniquity: and I will not communicate with the choicest of them” – Psalm 141:4. In addition to not taking account of the things we are facing, making excuses is a good way for you to rationalise your behaviour, even if it is a wrong one. Overcome difficulties and challenges take courage and a lot of hard work, not many of us can have the faith to take initiatives to a CHANGE. Imagine the road in front of you have a large rock, it is actually easier for you to choose the road next to you or going backwards than removing the stone in front of you as removing the stone take you so much strength to it.

“Excuses are lies wrapped up in reasons”

In my last relationship, my ex always rationalise why he failed to commit in the relationship and why he could make things happen. I was totally clouded by all the non sense excuses because I was badly affected by him, in a case that I started to accept maybe it was my problem to ask for too much from him. His excuses made me keep questioning about my values and belief, and every time I would be convinced by him. Eventually, before he told me his excuses, I started to help him think of a list of excuses of why he failed to do a lot of things in the relationship because I was afraid to face the problem behind – he was not actually care that much about me. These excuses made us feel better, in his perspective, he wanted to make himself not bad enough; in my perspective, I wanted to create a picture that he still loved me. Until a point I was so sick of his excuses and tried to admit the fact that our love walked till the end,  and at that moment, the cloud in my eyes were cleared. Then I recalled things happened between us, I felt myself like a fool believing all sorts of ridiculous excuses and explanation. “Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things”. – Romans 2:1

Quality Time, Quality People, Quality Life

“Stop Spending Quality Time With Unqualified People”

Everyone have different interpretation about “quality time”, and I believe there are a lot of people think that they have quality time with quality people, but it turns out their life are so pathetic and empty. Most of them quantify quality life with physical assets, believing themselves living in a quality life with all sorts of enjoyment. Quality life composes of a lot of elements but never will physical enjoyment be one of the factor.

“Quality People leads to quality time, resulting quality life”

There is no hard definition about what is “Quality Time”, but for one thing that I can sure about is that quality time is something to make your inner side feel spiritually rich. Before you can achieve a quality life, quality time is a prerequisite factor which is driven but a catalyst “Quality People”

Who are “Quality people”? 

In nowadays society, it is easy for us the equalise “quality” this word with “money” and “wealth”.That segment of people are very materialistic, they think that they spend time with someone who are useful in their career is the quality time because they can bring them physical enjoyment and increase their social status. After they successfully pursue wealth and fame, many of them feel so empty in their heart, maybe even more empty than before. “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5. God is the most qualified people to stay in our life because he gives us faith, holds us back from sin and makes us feel rich. Give yourself to god and you can receive all the wisdom, which can fill our heart with blessings and faith.

“Before I used to be afraid of being alone. Now, I’m afraid of having the wrong people as company”

Quality people are someone who can let you grow, strengthen your faith, walk in the same pace as you and also with God. They can walk through difficult path with you, bring positive influence over you, and most importantly, make your inner self spiritually rich. When you are spiritually rich, there is nothing in this world can attack you, and never will you surrender to temptation from evil. Even when you are staying alone, you feel yourself so satisfied because we are rich from inside to outside. In contrary, when you stay with unqualified people, they will inculcate wrong values to your soul, make yourself diminishing and ultimately make you feel even emptier than before as the darkness will  encroach ourselves from outside to inside.

When you are wise enough to choose your “quality company”, it is not difficult for you to have quality time. Because whenever you are with these quality people, you are having quality time. Quality time is the simplest love language in a relationship with your loved ones and most importantly – YOURSELF.

Self Control

“If you learn self control, you can master anything”

Life is full of temptation which aim at pulling us back from the right path, and especially when we lose self control, seduction from devil will encroach our whole life. This encroachment make us lose the correct judgement of deciding what is right and what is wrong. What can make us stay away from all sorts of temptation in life? SELF CONTROL.

Self control is way more than mastering our physical act, most importantly, it can master our belief and strengthen ourselves from inside to outside. When people have strong self control over their belief, their action will reflect how strong their self control is. As long as people can master what they feel inside, their life are unbeatable. As a result, physical action is just a result from the level of our self control.

“It is easy to destroy something than to build things up”

In the past few years, I easily lost self control over my emotion and there were a lot of temptation in my life bringing me to emotional breakdown. For years, whenever I got sober or drunk, my emotion fluctuated a lot, I cried and felt so depressed about my life. And then when I woke up another day, I had serious hangover and my mood was badly affected by the triggered emotion. I tried to cut down the consumption of alcohol, but my belief was so weak that every time I surrendered from temptation. Few weeks after I broke up, I felt like I was moving on in a good way and started to let him get away from my life, but whenever I got drunk, I missed him terribly and wanted to find him so much. This triggered emotion just simply destroyed all the efforts I spent on helping myself move on, and pull me back to the dark corner, struggling in the dark.

“It is difficult to get rid of bad habit, but when you did that, you feel awesome!”

In these two weeks, I start to receive god wisdom from my sisters and I have a new insight on how to make a better self control. Before you control yourself from doing something, we have to understand the ultimate goal and potential hazard of that action. I witness myself a great change when I start strengthening my own belief in controlling my emotions. I promised to myself cut off consumption of alcohol because I truly understand that this will bring me to a devastated situation which restrict me from moving on to a brand new life. And yesterday, I felt so proud of myself that I did that! In my friend’s birthday party, I just drank a bottle of beer and nothing else. In the past, in such kind of parties, I would have drunk so much and sometimes get drunk. At that moment, my mind was so strong and it told me to stay away from the alcohol because it would definitely drag you to hell and wasted all the efforts I spent over the weeks in strengthening myself. I finally understand that when the belief in my mind is strong enough, my action will reflect what my mind thinks.

As a result, in order to facilitate my level of self-control, I have made a list which I should do to help me move on.

1. Cut off consumption of alcohol
2. Avoid night life
3. Restrict myself from going to LKF area
4. Be responsible for my plan

I will keep updating the list after I can master first step of self control. Healing is a long journey, it is not easy, but I will try very hard to get myself back to right track.

“Six Letters, Two words, Easy to say, Hard to explain, Harder to do: MOVE ON”

Take Vow For yourself now

 

Please spend 15 minutes to watch it, you will gain more than what you expected.

Whenever I felt weak and no way out, this lady made me love myself again. This video worth everyone to watch it over and over again because this should be exactly how you should treat yourself forever.

 

 

Life Goal – Marry Yourself

Take vow for yourself,

“You are going to marry yourself for richer or poorer

When you marry yourself, you walk yourself down that aisle exactly where you are.

Loving yourself exactly where you are is the only way to get where you are going

You are going to marry yourself for better or for worse

Because when you marry yourself, you agree to stay with you no matter what.

You marry yourself for sickness and in health

Life does not give you what you ask for, it gives the people and the situations that allow you to develop what you ask for

When you marry yourself, it is to have and hold yourself

You love yourself in the way you want someone else to love you “