ForGIVE to forGET

“I forgive what you did”, it may be hardest sentence to be said in the world. Forgiveness is easy to say but hard to do, and it is not just a word to be spoken out, but an act to be felt in your heart. In most of the time, unforgiving a person makes us even feel more tragic because this feeling is gonna hinges on you mentally.

Try to look at the these two words again in this perspective, “for-GIVE” and “for-GET”,

for-Give: Give a chance for your enemies to be forgiven

for-Get: Get a new life and new heart after forgiving someone

First step in giving chance for forgiveness is heart, it requires a lot of mental strength and determination to do so. When someone did so much things to break you down, it is very hard for us to give them the chance to be forgiven.

WHY we are so reluctant to forgive someone?

Because sometimes we wrongly interpret the meaning of “forgiveness”. Many of us, me included, believe that forgiving someone means that we agree with their values and kind of encouraging them to do the wrong things on us again. Since we know that their values are wrong and what they did on us are terrible, we would not give them a chance to be forgiven. However, forgiveness is way more than that. We forgive someone for all the bad things they did on us do not mean that we agree with their behaviour, but learning how to love someone unconditionally.

“To be a christian means to forgive the inexcusable because GOD has forgiven the inexcusable YOU” 

Definitely, it is easier to say it than to work it out. It takes a very strong heart with a good mental strength to truly forgive someone from your heart, not from your mouth. First two weeks after I broke up, I felt so angry and I swore I would never forgive what he did on me. This extreme thinking actually causes much trouble on my mental health, I put so much energy in hating this guy, digging out all his bad doings to me and eventually put myself in a very dangerous situation – emotional breakdown.

“Forgive others not only because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve PEACE”

In recent two weeks, I am getting closer with GOD and receiving more wisdom taught by him. I understand that forgiveness is a powerful act, it can bring your heart to a very peaceful state. “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”            – Col. 3:13. When we have the ability to forgive someone from your heart who bring wounds to us, we are getting to know how to really LOVE yourself in a good way. And after that, all the negative emotions will vanish and good things can enter into our heart eventually. he Lord says, “Forget what happened before and do not think about the past. I am going to do something new… I will make rivers on dry land.” Isaiah 43:18-19 (GW)

Excuses Are Unbecoming

In the past 24 hours, how many excuses we had made for not doing something? And how many times you felt disappointed because about somebody’s excuses? “Sorry I cant today, because my sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died.” It sounds ridiculous to you right? And yes, it is tragic. Sometimes you are as funny as this example of creating an excuse for yourself and to the people around you.

“Excuses are the easy way out to ignore all the responsibilities”

There are two types of person in the world, 99% of people tend to seek excuses when they face challenges or difficulties about why they cannot do it. The remaining 1% will seek for any possibilities in making things happen. For those 1%, they are the successful person in the society because they never avoid the problem, instead, they overcome it with courage and determination.

#1. You make excuses because you don’t take things seriously

It is an easy way for us to make an excuse about why we fail to do something and why they cannot do something. Simple as going back to work on time, which many people fail to do so because they said their boss and colleagues wont be there early, so they can get back to work a little bit late. Why we will make such excuses of being at work late? It is because we do not really care about if people get back work late. In contrary, if you are having a very important interview today, people generally arrive 15 minutes in advance because they think it is important.

“If it is important to you, you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse”

Same case applies to relationship, if you really do care about someone, you will take everything happen between you two seriously, even just a tiny thing. It is because you do not want to let the people whom you love feel disappointed upon you and you will try every way to make things happen. If the relationship is not important to you, people will give themselves excuses of not doing this, not doing that, in the hope of convincing themselves they are not so bad to you because the excuses rationalise their behaviour.

#2. You make excuses because you are so afraid to face the problem

“Don’t make excuses for why you can’t get it done. Focus on all the reasons why you must make it happen.”

“Incline not my heart to evil words; to make excuses in sins. With men that work iniquity: and I will not communicate with the choicest of them” – Psalm 141:4. In addition to not taking account of the things we are facing, making excuses is a good way for you to rationalise your behaviour, even if it is a wrong one. Overcome difficulties and challenges take courage and a lot of hard work, not many of us can have the faith to take initiatives to a CHANGE. Imagine the road in front of you have a large rock, it is actually easier for you to choose the road next to you or going backwards than removing the stone in front of you as removing the stone take you so much strength to it.

“Excuses are lies wrapped up in reasons”

In my last relationship, my ex always rationalise why he failed to commit in the relationship and why he could make things happen. I was totally clouded by all the non sense excuses because I was badly affected by him, in a case that I started to accept maybe it was my problem to ask for too much from him. His excuses made me keep questioning about my values and belief, and every time I would be convinced by him. Eventually, before he told me his excuses, I started to help him think of a list of excuses of why he failed to do a lot of things in the relationship because I was afraid to face the problem behind – he was not actually care that much about me. These excuses made us feel better, in his perspective, he wanted to make himself not bad enough; in my perspective, I wanted to create a picture that he still loved me. Until a point I was so sick of his excuses and tried to admit the fact that our love walked till the end,  and at that moment, the cloud in my eyes were cleared. Then I recalled things happened between us, I felt myself like a fool believing all sorts of ridiculous excuses and explanation. “Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things”. – Romans 2:1

Quality Time, Quality People, Quality Life

“Stop Spending Quality Time With Unqualified People”

Everyone have different interpretation about “quality time”, and I believe there are a lot of people think that they have quality time with quality people, but it turns out their life are so pathetic and empty. Most of them quantify quality life with physical assets, believing themselves living in a quality life with all sorts of enjoyment. Quality life composes of a lot of elements but never will physical enjoyment be one of the factor.

“Quality People leads to quality time, resulting quality life”

There is no hard definition about what is “Quality Time”, but for one thing that I can sure about is that quality time is something to make your inner side feel spiritually rich. Before you can achieve a quality life, quality time is a prerequisite factor which is driven but a catalyst “Quality People”

Who are “Quality people”? 

In nowadays society, it is easy for us the equalise “quality” this word with “money” and “wealth”.That segment of people are very materialistic, they think that they spend time with someone who are useful in their career is the quality time because they can bring them physical enjoyment and increase their social status. After they successfully pursue wealth and fame, many of them feel so empty in their heart, maybe even more empty than before. “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5. God is the most qualified people to stay in our life because he gives us faith, holds us back from sin and makes us feel rich. Give yourself to god and you can receive all the wisdom, which can fill our heart with blessings and faith.

“Before I used to be afraid of being alone. Now, I’m afraid of having the wrong people as company”

Quality people are someone who can let you grow, strengthen your faith, walk in the same pace as you and also with God. They can walk through difficult path with you, bring positive influence over you, and most importantly, make your inner self spiritually rich. When you are spiritually rich, there is nothing in this world can attack you, and never will you surrender to temptation from evil. Even when you are staying alone, you feel yourself so satisfied because we are rich from inside to outside. In contrary, when you stay with unqualified people, they will inculcate wrong values to your soul, make yourself diminishing and ultimately make you feel even emptier than before as the darkness will  encroach ourselves from outside to inside.

When you are wise enough to choose your “quality company”, it is not difficult for you to have quality time. Because whenever you are with these quality people, you are having quality time. Quality time is the simplest love language in a relationship with your loved ones and most importantly – YOURSELF.

Comfort Zone may kill you

” People feel good to stay in their comfort zone, and aim at bringing others to their zone”

People, me included, feel good to stay in our comfort zone for most of the time. In this zone, we can be exactly who we are and nobody is gonna judge and against you. Sometimes we know that staying in zone is harmful to us, but it takes so much effort and strength to jump out of this zone. We hesitate, we struggle and in most cases we choose to stay inside the zone because it just makes you feel so comfortable. Even if they know that there is a big beautiful and promising world outside the zone where magic is gonna happen there, they just feel so reluctant to CHANGE. You may ask why people are so stupid that they let go of a forest and hold on a dying tree in their life? It’s because in order to step out of the comfort zone, you need a very strong belief to hold on the process of CHANGE.

“It is so easy to pull someone down then to bring someone up”

Sometimes, because we feel so good in staying in our comfort zone, and this sort of “belief” will affect the people around them. They will try to pull people to get inside their comfort zone, and make them adapt their values and belief. As they are so afraid of stepping out of their comfort zone to seek for new possibilities, they will try very hard to destroy you and “reshape” your values to become theirs. Until a moment when you no longer distinguish what are you believing because we are totally manipulated by them already. It is so easy to pull someone down then to bring someone up, that is why there are a lot evils around us try to make us to make consensus with them.

This is applicable for love, work, friendship and everything that happen in your life. Soon after I graduated from university, I took a job offer to company S. After first month of work, I actually knew that this is not the company that I wanna stay because I felt so lost when working there. I had to abandoned all the values and belief that I held for years in order to shape myself in that working culture. However, I kept telling myself to hold on and maybe few months later I might feel in love with this job. Month after month, things just did not get better, but I was so afraid to step out of my comfort zone to seek for new opportunities, because I got my good friends there, I felt so tired to get myself prepared to interviews and job hunting. I totally knew that the road I chose was killing myself in my heart, diminishing “me” in my heart and letting go a lot of values and belief that I used to believe. Until a point I felt myself cannot even live in that comfort zone anymore, then I started to seek for new opportunities. I took a year to leave my comfort zone which at the beginning if I was strong enough to let go of what I held, I would have saved a year to get my flourishing future.

When you give yourself to God, believing he can give you all the strength in every stage of your life, and keep your heart always open, then he will give all the strength you needed in pursuing a better future by stepping out from your comfort zone.

Self Control

“If you learn self control, you can master anything”

Life is full of temptation which aim at pulling us back from the right path, and especially when we lose self control, seduction from devil will encroach our whole life. This encroachment make us lose the correct judgement of deciding what is right and what is wrong. What can make us stay away from all sorts of temptation in life? SELF CONTROL.

Self control is way more than mastering our physical act, most importantly, it can master our belief and strengthen ourselves from inside to outside. When people have strong self control over their belief, their action will reflect how strong their self control is. As long as people can master what they feel inside, their life are unbeatable. As a result, physical action is just a result from the level of our self control.

“It is easy to destroy something than to build things up”

In the past few years, I easily lost self control over my emotion and there were a lot of temptation in my life bringing me to emotional breakdown. For years, whenever I got sober or drunk, my emotion fluctuated a lot, I cried and felt so depressed about my life. And then when I woke up another day, I had serious hangover and my mood was badly affected by the triggered emotion. I tried to cut down the consumption of alcohol, but my belief was so weak that every time I surrendered from temptation. Few weeks after I broke up, I felt like I was moving on in a good way and started to let him get away from my life, but whenever I got drunk, I missed him terribly and wanted to find him so much. This triggered emotion just simply destroyed all the efforts I spent on helping myself move on, and pull me back to the dark corner, struggling in the dark.

“It is difficult to get rid of bad habit, but when you did that, you feel awesome!”

In these two weeks, I start to receive god wisdom from my sisters and I have a new insight on how to make a better self control. Before you control yourself from doing something, we have to understand the ultimate goal and potential hazard of that action. I witness myself a great change when I start strengthening my own belief in controlling my emotions. I promised to myself cut off consumption of alcohol because I truly understand that this will bring me to a devastated situation which restrict me from moving on to a brand new life. And yesterday, I felt so proud of myself that I did that! In my friend’s birthday party, I just drank a bottle of beer and nothing else. In the past, in such kind of parties, I would have drunk so much and sometimes get drunk. At that moment, my mind was so strong and it told me to stay away from the alcohol because it would definitely drag you to hell and wasted all the efforts I spent over the weeks in strengthening myself. I finally understand that when the belief in my mind is strong enough, my action will reflect what my mind thinks.

As a result, in order to facilitate my level of self-control, I have made a list which I should do to help me move on.

1. Cut off consumption of alcohol
2. Avoid night life
3. Restrict myself from going to LKF area
4. Be responsible for my plan

I will keep updating the list after I can master first step of self control. Healing is a long journey, it is not easy, but I will try very hard to get myself back to right track.

“Six Letters, Two words, Easy to say, Hard to explain, Harder to do: MOVE ON”

Take Vow For yourself now

 

Please spend 15 minutes to watch it, you will gain more than what you expected.

Whenever I felt weak and no way out, this lady made me love myself again. This video worth everyone to watch it over and over again because this should be exactly how you should treat yourself forever.

 

 

Life Goal – Marry Yourself

Take vow for yourself,

“You are going to marry yourself for richer or poorer

When you marry yourself, you walk yourself down that aisle exactly where you are.

Loving yourself exactly where you are is the only way to get where you are going

You are going to marry yourself for better or for worse

Because when you marry yourself, you agree to stay with you no matter what.

You marry yourself for sickness and in health

Life does not give you what you ask for, it gives the people and the situations that allow you to develop what you ask for

When you marry yourself, it is to have and hold yourself

You love yourself in the way you want someone else to love you “